


presence

by popnographic



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 19:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11857686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: Nagisa Kaworu tries to help, reach out, be there for his friends. It is not their fault that Shinji, Asuka and Rei cannot recognise his efforts.





	presence

Ikari Shinji lies on top his bed, unmoving, fully clothed, his music player in a tight grip in his right hand as the music flows into his ears on repeat. The tray of food sent to his room is untouched, and the contents have long since gone cold. He’s been like this for a while now. Unwilling to move, unwilling to live. Ikari Shinji has been a fourteen-year old boy for over fourteen years, who has chosen to let the EVA curse reflect on his life, as much as it has on his age.

Nagisa Kaworu tries to reach out to him, but Ikari Shinji does not notice his efforts.

 

* * *

 

Asuka Langley Souryuu has long since given up on Ikari Shinji. Her voice reaches him, but then bounces back as if it hit a wall, and Asuka leaves in a fit of frustration, and a hint of sorrow. She’s slammed so many doors behind her that she no longer flinches if it slams shut too hard. Some days, they talk, maybe even make jokes. And some days, they are like complete strangers who haven’t been together for as long as they have.

Nagisa Kaworu tries to tell her that she cannot give up, but Asuka Langley Souryuu does not hear his voice.

 

* * *

 

Ayanami Rei wakes up every day in a body she feels is not her own. It is but a mere vessel that her soul inhabits, until the vessel is no longer usable, and she has to move onto the next. Some days she feels as if she does not inhabit a body at all, that she is just that soul, drifting around, watching people around her live their lives normally while she struggles to live at all. The only person who notices, recognises, and likes Ayanami Rei for who she is, is Ikari Shinji—but now, she does not remember the last time they spoke.

Nagisa Kaworu sees her every day as she heads back to her room; he waves and smiles to her, but Ayanami Rei does not wave nor smile back.

 

* * *

 

Nagisa Kaworu knows that Ikari Shinji does not notice him, but he still stays by the boy’s side, because his love is too strong for him to stay away, no matter how often he is ignored. He hopes that one day, Ikari Shinji will come out of his shell, and become the bright, smiling boy he once was, who seemed to light up the entire world no matter how dark the times were.

Nagisa Kaworu knows that Asuka Langley Souryuu does not hear him tell her to keep fighting, but he keeps it going in hopes that one day she will. He hopes that one day, she will once again become as strong and stubborn as she once was.

Nagisa Kaworu knows that Ayanami Rei won’t ever smile nor wave back at him, but he keeps on his daily routine of seeing her, hoping that one day, she will smile, and wave back at people who wave and smile at her. He hopes that one day, she will stop seeing herself as a doll, and embrace the life that is repeatedly given to her, see it as a sign that she is too important to leave this world.

 

* * *

 

There comes a day, finally, when Ikari Shinji leaves his room. His tray of food is left empty, and he has left his music player on the nightstand by his bed. Nagisa Kaworu follows him, stops at a distance to watch Ikari Shinji talk to Asuka Langley Souryuu. She sneers at him, rolls her eyes, but at the end when Ikari Shinji says goodbye, Asuka Langley Souryuu smiles at his retreating back.

Ikari Shinji proceeds to where Ayanami Rei has her room. He knocks lightly on the door to await permission to enter, and when given permission, he opens the door, and walks in. Kaworu follows, and lets the door shut with a soft click just behind his back. He watches Ikari Shinji sit by Ayanami Rei’s desk, talking to her, making jokes. Ayanami Rei nods, listens, responds, and she smiles back at the boy sitting by her desk.

At the end of his day when the stars decorate the sky above, Ikari Shinji goes to the place he spent so many nights stargazing with Nagisa Kaworu. The piano is still there, untouched since the last time they played together, but tonight, Ikari Shinji sits down, and he plays a melody Nagisa Kaworu knows very well. It normally requires two people, four hands, but Ikari Shinji only plays his part of the piece. Even so, it does not sound as lonely as Nagisa Kaworu had feared it would.

Ikari Shinji retreats to his room, undresses himself, and lies under the covers of his bed. The room is silent, dark, and Shinji exhales a slow sigh. He lies on his side, staring out into the room even though he cannot see anything.

“I loved you too,” he says to a boy he cannot see, but someone whose presence he has felt since the day Nagisa Kaworu died. Ikari Shinji does not hear a response, Nagisa Kaworu does not give him a response, because they both know one is not needed.

Nagisa Kaworu smiles, and when Ikari Shinji closes his eyes, so does he.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com)


End file.
